10 Worst Holiday Gifts for Travelers

Santa's Farting Butt Travel Neck Pillow

You may not be flying in first class, but you'll still be the classiest person on the plane with the Santa's Farting Butt Travel Neck Pillow. Just nestle your head between Santa's legs and rest on his bum—it's not creepy at all, especially once the cabin lights go out. Best of all, the pillow makes fart sounds when you press the button on Santa's foot! Entertain your seatmates with fake gas noises. Smells like Christmas!

Portable Body Scale

What better way to tell the beloved traveler in your life, "Hey, fatty, have fun on your trip, but you better not gain an ounce eating out," than with the Thumbs Up! Portable Body Scale? This gift may be small (it weighs less than one pound—unlike your gift recipient), but the passive-aggressive sentiment that it sends will loom large.

American Flag Fanny Pack

For that someone in your life who you hope goes on a trip and never comes back, the American Flag Fanny Pack is a sure way to get him or her targeted in a foreign country. Not only does it advertise that the wearer is a tourist, but it also proclaims his or her fervent American patriotism—something every other country is sure to appreciate.

SkyRest Travel Pillow

You know when you've received a household gift you hate, but you're still socially obligated to keep it and display it whenever the giver pays a visit? The SkyRest Travel Pillow is the travel version of that gift. Give it to someone you vacation with often—on your next trip together, this giant monstrosity of a pillow (14" x 12" x 17") won't just be uncomfortably bulky, it will also attract weird stares from fellow flyers.

Metallic Ink T-Shirt

Give the frequent flyer in your life the gift of frequent TSA patdowns with the Metallic Ink T-Shirt, which has the Fourth Amendment printed on it in ink that is readable by TSA body scanners. Not only will this encourage a very thorough patdown, it will be sure to raise alarms in metal detectors as well.

The Banana Bunker

Bananas are the perfect on-the-go fruit, but it takes a real banana devotee to appreciate the slightly obscene Banana Bunker. This plastic case protects bananas from bruises—even in checked luggage.

Jaktogo

For the fashionable flyer in your life, buy Jaktogo wearable luggage. Your traveler can stuff the Jaktogo with all of his or her belongings and then wear it as a dress, vest, or jacket (all of which look remarkably like suicide vests). It might be a one-way ticket to the TSA search room, but it means no paying luggage fees!

Portable Far Infrared Sauna

Know someone who really loves a good sauna but hates other people? Get that someone his or her very own Portable Sauna for sweating it out in the privacy of a hotel room (or anywhere with an electrical outlet—airport lounge, anyone?).

AquaBells Travel Weights

With the gift of AquaBells (the perfect companion to the Portable Body Scale), you can let gift recipients know that you think their on-the-road fitness routine is getting a little sloppy—without saying a word. Unlike traditional weights, the AquaBells are perfect for travel because you just fill them up with water to get the desired heaviness.

Hotel/Motel Room Inspector

We all know that hotel rooms are covered in unfathomable amounts of invisible bodily fluids and germs that we'd rather not think about it. Shatter even the illusion of cleanliness with the Hotel/Motel Room Inspector, a portable UV light that detects "vomit, feces, semen, blood, saliva, and urine." Good luck endlessly switching hotel rooms until you find one with no trace of any of those.

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• 10 Travel Gifts So Good You'll Want Them for Yourself
• SmarterTravel Holiday Gift Guide 2011
• SmarterTravel Holiday Gift Guide 2010